This part can be tricky. My ‘No’ is usually highly activated, full of anger, disappointment, hurt, and fear. It’s hard to stay connected to my center and my power when I want to express No: mostly because I’m afraid of rejection…. will my No be accepted? And also the fear of the other person’s reaction… is it safe for me to say No?
If you haven’t listened to Part 1, Embodying your Yes, I recommend you listen to that first. It gives you a tool to help feel good in your body and have a safe and calm place to come back to if you are getting highly activated when exploring your No.
The following audio offers a starting point to respecting and embodying what doesn’t feel good for you and your No.
- First connect to your Yes; what feels good, calm, grounded, and pleasurable. (Listen to Part 1 if you haven’t already for tips on how to do this.)
- Then think of a time when you weren’t in that state. You may have wanted to say No or something didn’t feel good. Choose a time that doesn’t feel too dramatic or traumatic.
- Notice where there is any discomfort in your body. Perhaps some tension, contraction, or nervous energy.
Step 1 – Rocking back and forth between Yes and No in your body
- Give yourself some space to Pause here and feel the discomfort for a moment longer so you can start to recognize how your No shows up in your body. eg you might be inclined to put your hand out, or your face scrunches up a bit.
- Revisit what does feel good, calm, grounded and pleasurable in your body. Remind yourself of what you want to say Yes to.
- Revisit your No. Does it resemble a Fight (moving towards, aggression, etc), Flight (moving away from, hiding, etc), or Freeze (overwhelm, not engaging) reaction?
- Revisit your Yes. Give yourself time and space to get clear on what would feel good, loving, peaceful, pleasurable.
Step 2 – Allow for your No to get louder
- Revisit what doesn’t feel good. Give yourself some space to let any discomfort or higher activation in your body to grow. eg Allow for tightness in your chest, or flutters in your stomach.
- Sit with these sensations for a minute or two without trying to make them go away. Your natural instinct may to be try and make any discomfort go away. See if you can allow your body to feel whatever is present without resisting it.
- Notice after a few minutes how you are now feeling. You may feel a greater sense of calm or peace.
- Regardlesss of how you feel, connect to what does feel good to close out this cycle; ground, center, find a sense of calm and pleasure in your body.
This is a practice of allowing for uncomfortable sensations and emotions instead of trying to avoid, resist, ignore, or take a short-cut to “Fine”, “OK”, and a disingenuous, unembodied Yes.
As you grow your capacity to feel uncomfortable sensations, you will be able to tolerate them without “over-reacting”, the common term used when we are expressing ourselves when in high states of stress. This gives you time and space to find a way to express yourself in a way that commands respect.
The first step is honoring and respecting your own No first.