Food. Faith. Feminine. These words keep boomeranging back to me. Five or so years ago they were on my website as the placeholders for the women that I wanted to help. Then I gave myself a reality check / had a self-doubt driven panic attack that I couldn’t do this; mostly because I had more questions than answers on the faith front, and I realized I was living the furthest thing from an embodied feminine life.
So I scrapped that version of the website and the three F’s have sat on the shelf since, until a month or two ago when they came to pay me a visit. It was in a meditation/yoga/journal/prayer session.
I looked down and there they were on the page. Clearly I had written them, although I’m not sure I know why. They just appeared in my conscious and my hand game them form.
Huh. Something about them was familiar.
Oh yeah, that’s where I started from!
Funny how life takes you on a very non-linear journey just so you can find yourself right back where you began.
When I look back at my younger self 5 years ago, I see a woman who was so eager, kinda like a puppy dog. Every business or income generating idea that came to her, she ran with. And because she used to be a runner, and a decent one at that, she thought she knew how to run things on this front too.
Pound the pavement, work it out, get to the finish line as fast as you can. A flurry of action that got webpages up quick and made it look like she was busy and winning.
And she was, for sure, doing quite a lot; working on her website, answering emails, writing blog posts, and filling her schedule in a frenzy to ‘get it done’.
As you might recall from yesterday, she didn’t make much time or space for the ideas to fully flourish and blossom. Once the inkling of one appeared on the horizon, she reached out, grabbed it by its horns, and started squeezing it into the size and shape that was most familiar to her.
Which didn’t leave a lot of room for the inspirational guidance to take its natural shape.
That’s the difference between running and dancing.
Run with it and you and move things along quickly, but the idea, product, or creation never really matures past its infancy because you’ve clipped its wings by grabbing it as soon as the gun goes off.
Dance with it and you get to learn how it moves, the pace that suits it best, and together you co-create something new and beautiful together.
I didn’t know how to dance 5 years ago. Ok, well, I mean, my body knew how to move to music, but I wasn’t letting it do that. Mostly because I wasn’t a ‘dancer’.
The biggest thing that’s changed in those 5 years? Now I dance.
It’s not that I am, or am not, a dancer. It’s just that if the music is right, I let my body respond how it naturally wants to. Sometimes I don’t even need music. Sometimes my body hears a rhythm that I can’t see. I’ve learned to get out of the way and let something beautiful unfold. Plus it usually feels good for me too.
It’s harder to do that with my work, I’ll admit. I still get excited when an idea for a product offering or operational efficiency comes and I want to micro-manage its every step into the thing I think it’s supposed to be. It’s hard to just take one step, and then let the idea grow, and then take another step, and then let it move again.
It takes a lot of patience to dance with your business and let its natural shape come into the light. Staying present to yourself as you take action takes practice. Taking embodied steps that are true to yourself, is a counter-cultural lesson with many bumps and bruises along the way.
It’s ok if we trip over our feet though; as me and these inspirations that bubble inside me get to know each other’s body language and rhythms. Eventually, with time, we’ll be swinging in and out of each other’s arms.
This is the more feminine way of being that was missing for me 5 years ago. The ability to surrender my ‘doing’, stay present to my ‘being’, and attune to a body wisdom that speaks very differently than my head. It’s taken me awhile to recognize the difference, because after all, I had 34 years of fine-tuning my logical, analytical, binary brain.
I am massively grateful for that brain, and I also have become grateful for my other brain. My sensual, intuitive, cyclical body.
And so as I find myself back at what looks like square one, I am asking my Self, how can we dance together this time?