It’s 9:37pm and I really don’t feel like writing. I want to curl up in bed with my new book. I want to indulge in someone else’s creation instead of sit down and create something new of my own.
I almost bailed on this writing date. I almost let myself off the hook. ‘You did do some writing today. You wrote another draft of your Pause retreat offering. You worked on website copy.’
But that’s not the same as a writing date; of sitting down with a blank piece of paper without intention and letting it be filled with some Big Truth.
So I made a deal. 10 minutes. That’s all you have to do. 10 minutes instead of the full hour it normally takes you to write out a complete start-finish piece. Just see what comes in 10 minutes.
I’ve never done this before, and I have no idea where I will end up.
I used to be a very all or nothing kinda gal. Say for instance when it came to going for a run, if I wasn’t going to go for the full 6 miles, why do any at all? 4 or 5 didn’t cut it, and for sure 10 minutes of running wasn’t worth tying up my shoe laces.
I had the same mentality with food. I either stuck to the diet for the week, or I blew it up with one bite of a potato chip.
I was very hard on myself. So much so I’ve had an allergic reaction to anything that looks remotely similar to consistency, discipline, or sticking to the plan. It’s felt too much like the addiction. The need to run the whole 6 miles, or go the whole week without messing up the eating plan, or else my whole world fell apart.
The old me would’ve forced myself to write for the whole hour. I’m not sure where that expectation even came from, the same way I’m not sure where the idea that anything under a 6 mile run wasn’t worth it.
So while this 10 minute writing stint might not seem that monumental to you, it’s actually quite significant to me. It’s the in between space of not throwing in the towel completely and saying fuck it to the plan, and it’s not pushing myself past more than what I actually have the capacity to do right now.
My whole self is craving a good cwtch up and read. Yet following that pleasure without completing the commitment I made to myself would be indulgent. Likewise denying myself that pleasure would be too harsh and restrictive.
So today’s writing is living proof that the 3rd option works. The sweet spot where nourishment meets pleasure. You choose what allows you to say Yes all around.
Yes to the promise to yourself that you made last week, and Yes to staying present to your immediate need. Yes to the growth that comes with discipline, and Yes to the repair that comes with rest.
Balance people, balance.
And all that in 16 minutes.