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Kendra Tanner

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Tag: control-freak

What stressed-out and burned-out has to do with safety, money, and embodying your feminine

March 12, 2019Leave a comment

A fresh way at understanding why you might be burning yourself out, plus 10 ways you can cultivate safety and trust with do-it-yourself embodiment practices.

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For realz. This is not a ‘gotchya’! After 40 days on the road, I’m re-charging and re-fuelling, which includes putting a pause on social media. It might sound crazy, but I’m actually looking forward to this 40 day stint of tuning-in, as much as I was for getting out there with Embody and catching up with friends and fam. I love travel, adventures, and seeing new places, AND I also relish “me-time”. . It’s been a desire of mine to fuel my work and life with spirit. I want my action to be God-inspired and heart-led. Right now the call is for stillness, turning down the noise, and practice listening. Re-focus without the need for speed. Last year I took a similar break and it was tough. The addiction is real people! Everytime there was an urge to check facebook or instagram, I forced myself to do one of 3 things. Sit down and write, practice Italian with DuoLingo, or call my sis (because most of the time really I was just craving pics of my niece.) . This year I’m psyched for similar goodies: . 🖊 Diving into @jordan.b.peterson ‘s Self-Authoring suite . 🙏 Spending time with the prayers from @mariannewilliamson ‘s Law of Divine Compensation . 📚 Taking my latest book idea seriously and creating a vision board for it The weekly video chats with my now TWO nieces are already in the calendar. 😁 👶 . I’m not pressing stop, and will still be working off-line. . 💃🏻 EMBODY is happening in Swansea on May 17th and June 14th (RSVP @urbanzenyogamovement ) . 👫 Embodied Union led by @nadiamunla starts May 22nd (see my last post for what this is all about) . ❤️ And new 1-2-1 coaching offerings will be shared via email over the next few weeks I know, email is practically ancient, but that’s where I’ll be. If you want me popping in your inbox, sign up for my newsletter through the link in bio. . What are all the things you really want to be doing with your life and somehow never find time for? Make a list and feel free to swap out your SM time for “me-time” too. . Stay well. Be Present. Be Free.

At the airport on the way back to the UK scrolling through my pics from this trip. There were so many life-giving moments. Catching up with @londonkyopo I had this reframe about social media sharing. That maybe when we’re sharing the things we think are cool or important to share, what we’re really doing is sharing mini God-moments. Something touched us and we want to pass that on. Sure, sometimes it comes across as self-serving and doesn’t give the full picture of the behind the scenes, and at the same time it can be a chance to let Love flow through us. Here were some God-moments from the last few days.... -Snowshoeing solo on top of this mountain that is my version of heaven. Tears flowing and a cry to ‘come home’. -These monkeys... We’ve got miniature size ones in our house. These ones cracked me up. -Pierogies, potato pancakes, and kielbasa. A mouth-watering Polish lunch spot in the middle of NJ. Good food brings me joy. -My Great-aunt Joan’s recipe. #heritage These and the hundreds of other connected moments, including the 40+ friends and family I got to catch up with in person and over the phone could’ve easily passed me by. So grateful for the practice of Presence and actually recognizing the moment. My new mantra: This is for me. I can have it. Thank you, I receive it.

These past few weeks in Boise have been a treat to my senses. The trees are blossoming the most vibrant colors and delicious scents. Embody has taught me to pay attention to my senses. The breeze on my skin, the birdsong, the distant hum of the lawnmower, the scent of freshly cut grass, the delicate flavor of the pear blossoms and the bursts of color as I ride my bike, practice yoga, drive around and run errands. It’s been a treat that’s kept me nourished and also helps center me to the present moment. When I start drifting into the past that I wish went differently, or to the future that I’m not sure how it’s going to turn out, it’s these sensual delights that I experience in my body (not my mind) in the present moment that bring me home. You can practice this for yourself at any moment. Pause and scan your 5 senses. Really listen, see, smell, taste, and feel and see how you are reoriented to safety, love, and joy. Want to take this further? Immerse your senses and learn how to have them ground you and guide you to more joy in your life. There’s space left for Sunday’s Embody workshop in NYC. RSVP through link in bio.

Sometimes I wish I lived life in a vacuum. I feel like I could ace all this embodiment, spiritual growth, and therapy work if I only had to deal with me. Except growth happens in relationship. It’s easy to feel embodied on the dance floor, in my writing, and when I’m alone in my house and can waltz around as I please. Holding that same joy while navigating differences in core relationships is more challenging. There is beauty in the challenges though. Our triggers point towards wounds that it might just be time to heal. A recent trigger for me revealed how much distrust I bring into my primary male relationship. Past experiences have molded me towards fear, which means the foundation with my partner is not built on solid ground. At EMBODY we practice expanding our capacity for pleasure and joy. This practice requires a willingness to receive. To fully receive, we have to trust that the person, or being, offering us the gift is safe and has our best interest at heart. When we carry hurts from past relationships with the masculine, it’s really hard to trust men in our present life. (This goes for all men, not just a romantic partner; fathers, brothers, co-workers, your mailman, and if you grew up with God as a ‘he’, then add him to the list too.) Which means: -you might feel burned out from all the doing -the need to control might feel vital -it’s unlikely there’s a lot of nourishing pleasure in your life. So where to go from here? We work this from both ends: Face the hurts from relationships with men and the masculine, and at the same time consciously seek out joy and pleasure in your life and your body. You already know my go to recommendation for expanding pleasure, receptivity + trust is EMBODY (See bio for NYC class Apr 28); So I’ll skip to the divine-ly timely new offering from EMBODY Founder @nadiamunla . She interviewed 11 men to help build a bridge of understanding and empathy towards men and the masculine. If you are feeling hurt, lonely, frustrated, or ready to jump ship from a relationship, I encourage you to tune in. Community support calls happening April 24 & 27. Deets at trustingourmen.com and her bio. ♥️

Women looking for an effective way of relating to and communicating with the men/man in your life... you’ll want to tune in to this and the other 10 episodes of the Trusting Your Men Again series hosted by @nadiamunla. . I listened to this episode 3 times when it first came out and I still need to study it for real-life practice it is that good. . Deets to access below. ・・・ ** IF YOU HAVEN’T HAD A CHANCE TO WATCH TRuSTING OUR MEN AGAIN, it’s your lucky day! ** . We’ve decided to rerun the limited series for another 11 days! . Today’s rerun is Joshua Hathaway on No BS Communication (@ordinary_awakening ) . We talked about everything from restorative justice to 5 distinct styles of no BS communication. I think now more than ever the tools of nonviolent communication must be brought in full force to help us with these difficult conversations. What touched me the most about our conversation with Joshua was his fierce devotion to the feminine's expression while still deeply empathizing with the masculine experience. . Access at: Trustingourmen.com . *What was your KEY takeaway? I would love to know!* . . . . . #toxicmasculinity #healthymasculinity #metoo #metoomovement #coaching #communication #nonviolentcommunication #nobscommunication #embodiment #menscoach #menscoaching #relationshipcoaching #relationshipgoals #restorativejustice

ON FIGURING IT OUT I overheard the most beautiful conversation today. One friend supporting another as they were figuring life out. “You gotta put your own oxygen mask on first. Do what makes you happy. The way to be the best parent to your kid is to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.” The care and support was flowing, as was the gratitude in return. The best part was, it was flowing between two men. I was contemplating joining in their conversation and felt it was best to leave it alone. They got this. I’ll pass on to you though what my heart was feeling... Sometimes you don’t have to figure it out. Believe me, I want the answers for tomorrow, today, too. But usually they don’t come until tomorrow IS today. The amount of time and energy I waste trying to ‘figure it out’ is immense. This past week I’ve been in a situation of my own wanting answers, and have caught myself drifting into the past and the future with a furrowed frown on my face. If you do this too, just remember, the answers arrive in the present. Come back to center in each moment. Let the answers reveal themselves to you instead of going out and finding them. It’s hard at first, but gets easier with practice. I remember this each time I dance at Embody and other free-form classes. I don’t know exactly how my body is going to move through the playlist, but I know at some point the music will end and the dance will be over. I will get there. The most freeing, life-giving dances happen when I fully surrender to each moment. Tune in to what my body is feeling and where it and my soul wants to take me. I am led through a beautiful unfolding that I couldn’t have figured out ahead of time. So the next time you think you have to ‘figure it out’, know that I get how hard and overwhelming that can feel. And perhaps try something different. Put some music on, and let your body move through a practice of Trust. You’ll get ‘there’ in the end. ———— Get a free Embody-at-home playlist to create your own practice of Trust through the link in my bio. ———— Embody and practice trusting in person with me in Boise or NYC. April 20th and 28th. Ticket link in bio.

Recent Posts

Sometimes your Yes doesn’t make sense
Embodying your No… First steps out of fear and into Love
Embodying your Yes… A simple practice to make room for what feels good
Sometimes ‘No’ Feels like Sh*t
What stressed-out and burned-out has to do with safety, money, and embodying your feminine

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Cross Hands, Carmarthenshire, Wales, SA14 6SB

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